Through our journey of life, we all have suffered some type of failure. This can be failure in exams, failure in relationships, failure in health or failure at work. We often put unrealistic pressures on ourselves and that leaves us feeling stressed, overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. I have failed, for me at the time it was the worst thing in the world, thoughts such as how could I fail, I’m stupid, people are going to be judging, I’m not good enough etc., were running through my mind. Up until three years later and some work in therapy, I stopped seeing my failure as something bad. It gave me resilience, made me network with people that If I did not fail, I would have not met. At the time, it was the worst thing in the world, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of failing. Then through, desire, fight and resilience came a new me. The failure was not seen as failure it was growth and resilience. It was the part of me that drove me to make a difference and develop a passion of helping others. Below are some tips that can help us all with overcoming failure.
Step 1: Do I want this
This is related to whatever you have failed, ask yourself do I really want this? Is this for me? are the tears, the sadness, the stress worth it? You have to be honest with yourself. Follow what your gut says, go for a walk on your own, give yourself time to decide if this is what you want or you want to change your goals.
Step 2: Weigh out the positive vs negatives
This may be a cliché thing to do, but actually writing out the positive and negatives on two separate papers will not only give you the facts of the situation, but will help you visualise and help you come to terms with if this goal is truly what you want.
Step 3: Why do I want this?
Ask yourself are your motives for this goal sincere? what will happen when achieving this goal? what will it do for you? Focus on what is. Okay so you failed! failing helps you look at your weaknesses, helps you figure out your correct support network and a new action plan. So, stay with the facts of your failure, learn from it, focus on what is? Rather than opinions. Stay with the facts!
Step 4: Focus!
Okay you have either decided to stay with goal for example career, you have developed an action plan, learnt your weaknesses. Now it’s time to put that in action. Action looks like, some sacrifices that need to be done to help you towards your task to succeed. Keep yourself organised and focused on the goal. Organisation is key to your success.
Step 5: Never give up mind-set
This is my favourite step of overcoming failure. It’s the one where people around will say that’s impossible, you cannot do that, this has never been done. It can also be the voice of our inner critic, like having a poisonous parrot on your shoulder saying ‘this is hard you can’t do this’, ‘look everyone else is having fun’ etc. This is where you say: “No”, I want to succeed and I will. You’re never giving up mind-set will be your own personal life coach.
From a person who has succeeded from her failures, trust me when you get there, the feeling is amazing and you will reach heights that others thought were impossible. Go team you!
With love from,
Dr Farah Nadeem